Thursday, December 22, 2005

Boys and Christmas (Part II)

I stated in the previous post that I would touch on why my Dad seems to get alot of books. Well, the short of it is that he is very particular. He has strong preferences when it comes to the fit of things. The sleeves are too long, the shoulders are too tight, the porridge is too cold...just kidding Dad, your not that bad. And it can be very rewarding when you succeed in finding something that fits just right. It's like russian roulette with sweaters! There is nothing wrong with this of course. We all like things the way we like them. It's just that it makes buying him any sort of apparel daunting, to say the least. Hence, when you couple the HE WANTS IT, HE BUYS IT with the CHANCES ARE IT WON’T FIT RIGHT, you get books.

I thought that would be it on this subject, but a recent conversation led me to yet another observation. There was some talk in my house about what to get each other for Christmas. J usually has a few ideas of what he would like. The problem is that they are so many options and digits and dashes involved in whatever it is, it would actually be easier to just give him cash. This leads us to reason #3 it is impossible to buy presents for boys

HE IS THE ONLY ONE WHO ACTUALLY KNOWS WHAT HE WANTS

Oh, they know what they want alright. Down to the littlest specification. They may say, 'Boy I like those new Motorola cellphones.' But, oops! They meant the one with the built in GPS tracker not the video camera! That’s the Q47 –06 not the Q47-09. Geez, how did I mess that up! And you are destined to have a disappointed boy on Christmas, or at least someone who now has to go the mall (yikes!) and do an exchange.

There is something distinctly uncomfortable and cold to me, in having someone write down the manufacturer and model number for everything they want for Christmas. Where's the surprise? Where's the "Wow, how did you know!? Thanks!" Perhaps this is less of a 'Why boys are impossible to buy for' and more of a 'Why K never gets me anything I want' problem. J would be guaranteed all that he desires if I would let him write it all down. Then I could just go and buy and check it off the list. Ugh, what a horrible idea. No fun at all. And I know success is possible. I hitch all my hopes on the memory of presenting J with a microphone...that would be a Shure Beta 57-A microphone.

Some how, through all this complaining and worrying, I manage to get the boys in my life presents. Not always great ones, but good enough I think. Though Dad usually gets a book, I try to find one that I know he will enjoy. And the surveillance system I have set up to spy on J in the hopes of discovering what he may like, usually pays off. This year, not so sure, but we'll see.

Tuesday, December 20, 2005

Boys and Christmas

I know this isn’t any great revelation. Women have been saying it for ages. Men are impossible to buy presents for. There is a myriad of reasons this is true. The one that causes the most grief in my own life is the good ol'

IF HE WANTS IT, HE BUYS IT

Guys know what they like, and if they like it enough, they just go ahead and get it. There is little financial concern or monetary debate. Within reason, if they want it enough, they find the money. In the event it costs so much that they can't justify buying it for themselves, then it’s certainly too pricey for me to buy it. Because that means it's really expensive.

The only thing that I could come up with that J wanted for Christmas, that he hasn't already purchased for himself, is a flat screen TV. Yeah, right! Unfortunately for him, that's not happening. They cost $3,000. And even if they were significantly cheaper, I couldn't get him one, because we'd already have one.

Perhaps this is a secret ploy for men to get women to buy them REALLY expensive gifts. If they buy all the reasonably priced things themselves, then what's left? I'll tell you what’s left...a book. Here's a book. Enjoy.

Postscript: Hey Dad, I know I always get you books and it's not because of the above reason. Well, not completely for that reason. You actually like books, right? I hope so. Also, you create another 'buying a man a present' problem. Perhaps I will discuss tomorrow.

Tuesday, December 13, 2005

Why you will not get a Christmas card from me

I haven't bought any. As if, on top of all the shopping and stressing out I still have left to do, I have a free hour (yes, it will take me an hour...maybe more) to pick out cards. I'll stand paralyzed in the Seasonal section of Stop n Shop trying to find the perfect mix of good wishes and wit, while keeping it all within a vague, ambiguous, "apply to your spiritual identity as appropriate" sentiment.

All my address information is in the scary basement. And I try not to go in the scary basement.

The post office. Going to the post office anytime within 3 weeks of Christmas is just insanity. We have ONE post office...ONE! Quaint? - yes, quick? uh, no.

Who needs cards when you have a blog. See, Seasons Greetings!!Happy New Year to YOU! And I mean YOU...hi!

Yes, all the above are merely excuses that don't really do a good job at hiding the main, undeniable reason.

I am lazy.

Ok, I admit it. And I know what you're thinking, first Halloween candy , now THIS. Someone get this girl some coffee because there are going to be 3 ghosts keeping her up all night.

Don't worry, one of these years I will begin sending out Christmas cards. I have decided that when we receive 5 cards or more, we need to start reciprocating a little. This is a way of using my friends as a measuring stick. When they have entered into that stage of maturity, as will I.

So far, this years tally is just 1...Hi Aunt Margie and Uncle Roger!! Merry Christmas to you too!

And if I get one from Niels Jensen from Houston, Texas – that doesn't count.*

*Last night my mom called me to ask if I knew anyone named Niels Jensen or Kate Jensen, because she got a Christmas card from them...picture and all. No one has any idea who they are.

Friday, December 09, 2005

Snow #1: 10 inches

Lot’s of snow! It just finished, and the sky is beginning to clear and the air is calm and quiet. I love it right after the flakes stop falling, and they still cling to the tree branches and the few stubborn leaves that have yet to fall. It’s supposed to get windy tonight, so that particular aspect of the snow will be probably be blown away by morning. I hope the stillness of the air lasts long enough so I can get a nice picture when I get home. If I do, I’ll post it here!

I think we may head up to Vermont tonight. J is chomping at the bit to get on the mountain for the first time. I could go either way. It would be nice to sleep in late in my own bed after last weekends traveling, but Vermont is relaxing enough to be worth the sacrifice. And I don’t have to do laundry there…or clean the bathroom, or any of those other tasks that you put off and nag at you, letting you know they should be done. When your 80 miles away from the washing machine, you can forget all about it - guilt free. It’s too bad it’s waiting there for you when you get back.


Postscript: This is technically snow #2, since we got 3" while I was in Jacksonville, but since I wasn't here to experience it - it doesn't count!

Monday, December 05, 2005

And now we have to go back

First and foremost, I am a fan. I am far from a student of the game itself. Though some people seem to have a RainMan-esque ability to record stats and details into their brain, I am not one of those people. I do not have a mind for sports in that way. If sports is music, I am tone deaf. I sit and enjoy the sounds, and appreciate the talent with little comprehension of the laws and theories that guide it. I also lack the ability to accurately convey what has just gone in my ear hole with my mouth hole.

Football games tend to wash over me as an experience, not a linear set of occurrences or a string of single events. I am saying this so you understand that in relaying my ACC Championship experience, there will be information lacking, and I dare say remembered completely wrong. My memories are based in emotion, not in details. And without the reinforcement I am used to, the details have mixed together in a random swirl of images and feeling. At home I complain about the inane ramblings of the sportcasters, and roll my eyes at their silly puns; but for someone who does not get to go to actual LIVE games very often, I am amazed to find how dependent on commentary and instant replay I have become. And not just because I forgot my glasses (which I did).

That said...here it is! First for the happy fun time before the sad despondent time.

The day started great. I arrived at the Jacksonville airport on a plane of 140 people, and walked into the Florida sun with a gaggle of Gobblers. My sister picked me up and we went straight to the stadium. After walking through the parking lot, past the tailgaters with their BBQ and beer, we made our way toward the FanFest.


The FanFest provided a lot of distractions of the sporty type – throw a football through a ring, try to kick a field goal, push one of those big metal push things linebackers always push in the movies. My sister made some cash off a slightly drunk, but enthusiastic Hokie, who offered her $5 to kick a football through two bright yellow inflatable uprights.


Spontaneous chants of Go Hokies mixed with the brass and drums of The Marching Virginians. It was a sea of maroon and orange. We probably out numbered the ‘Noles 2 to 1. After taking in as much as we could, we headed inside.

Then the game began.

I must say, the first half was one of the most unremarkable periods of football I can recall. Neither team did much of anything worth noting. There were penalties, LOTS of penalties, and TV timeouts. All combined to bring what should have been an exciting game, to a crawl. I don’t know how long that first half lasted, but it was longer than my bladder could endure.

And it was frustrating, not only because we didn’t seem to be playing up to snuff, but because FSU people surrounded us. Don't get me wrong, our seats were awesome.


It's just that when the mob mentality and contagious excitement is going the other way, it's kind of a downer. Most of the FSU people were perfectly nice, but it only takes a few seconds of that indian tomahawk chop chant to make you want to run away screaming. And they have a song they play repeatedly that ends in spelling, then "Florida State!Florida State!Florida State!" then WHEW! with Jazz Hands. The Inevitable "What the hell’s a Hokie?" question came up. I have always been appalled at the number of my Hokie brethren are who are ill equipped to answer this question. And NO! it is not a castrated turkey! I don’t know where this little fable started, but it was annoying the first time I heard it, not to mention from some drunk FSU frat boy next you acting like he’s the expert.

Anyway, (I’m going to try to keep the 'nole fan bashing to a minimum...but I must add that the arm chop song is WAY more annoying than the USC thing, and used more persistantly, which I didn’t think was possible) the half ended and I sprinted to the bathroom, all the while thinking about the can of Whoop-Ass Beamer must be opening on the boys. I had high hopes for the second half.

Well, the second half started, and at some point the 'noles scored. And then scored again. And then again. See, this is where my memory fails me. I remember the dread, the disappointment. As I said before, the game sits inside me as an experience, not a well ordered sequence of events. I don’t recall downs and yardage, not even the correct timing of the images I have stored in my brain. I remember them returning that kick, ugh. Our complete inability to catch a beautifully thrown pass..um, excuse me, passes. More penalties, though some of them were a saving grace and turned our 4th downs into 1st downs. Wondering why we weren’t running the ball and throwing to the outside so much. And I had lots of questions. I questioned the need for Replay Reviews, since it was obvious the refs are infallible and always make the correct calls. Who is that snapping the ball into Marcus’s ankles? What did that half time pep talk do to Schmidt? And don’t we ever practice 2 point conversions?

Most of all, I remember the hope. The need and want to believe my Hokies wouldn’t disappoint me – that we could pull this out. The optimism and faith began to grow as the clock slowy ticked down. But all hopes where dashed when it was declared our onside kick was recovered one yard too short...it was over.

The points we put on the board did help elevate my spirits from the verge of tears, to glum acceptance. A few of the FSU crowd around us began their gloating. Thinking themselves witty, the "Chokies" comments began. They didn’t understand that the term is well known amongst the VT faithful, and I daresay invoked more by us than any rival.

I will not, however, say the best team won. I believe FSU deserved to win. We did not look like a top 5 team, and I shook my head as the athletes I admire began to lose composure in frustration. The best of the teams that showed up won. The Hokies I know did not show up.

Though the experience was disheartening and sad, it is important to remember, that even amidst our most terrible nightmares, lie glimpses and moments of what we consider dreams.

me and Hokie Bird crop


The greatest test of courage on earth is to bear defeat without losing heart."
-Robert Green Ingersoll

January 2nd we'll have a chance to show Jacksonville who we really are.
Go Hokies.