Wednesday, March 22, 2006

If I gotta pay 'em, so does he....

The Master Assembly is pleased to propose the TUBBS IS A SPONGE BILL, establishing a new ordinance imposing a Mooch Tax on all canine residents. The Assembly hopes that revenue produced will help alleviate the burden of current homeowners who have been solely responsible for taxes levied by both the state and federal governments.


Sec. 70-431. Definitions.

The following words, terms and phrases, when used in this article, shall have the meanings ascribed to them in this section, except where the context clearly indicates a different meaning:

Tubbs means a dog who currently has primary residence at Master's House.

Master means any earner of income used in the operations and maintenance of the House, and any of their duly authorized agents.

Sec. 70-432. Levy of tax.

There is hereby imposed and levied a tax on Tubbs for:

a. Every meal served, sold or delivered by a Master to Tubbs. The rate of such tax shall be 4 1/2 percent of the amount paid for the meal.

b. Each instance of pooping, regardless of location. The rate of such tax shall be 10 cents per instance. A penalty of $100 shall be imposed for indoor pooping. This penalty shall be doubled for poop of a loose or less-than-solid nature

c. All occasions where a Master is compelled to get off the couch due to whining, scratching or staring by Tubbs to fill water bowls, allow access to the outdoors, or dislodge a toy from under the coffee table/bed. The rate of such tax shall be $1 per instance. Rate shall double if Master is watching any form of Reality TV or Virginia Tech Football.

d. Each individual bark, even if in quick succession, shall be taxed at the rate of $1 per bark. Rate will be doubled when the source and motivation for such barking cannot be determined.

e. Every discovery of a 'wet spot' on any and all furniture created by the licking of feet and /or butt. The rate of such tax shal be $10 per instance. A penalty of $100 shall be imposed if the wet spot is located on the bedsheets in the area a Master sleeps.

Sec. 70-433. Exemptions and Limits

The tax imposed under this article shall not be levied if any of the following criteria are met:
a. Tubbs obtains gainful employment where contributions to the House revenue can me made.
b. Tubbs begins to obey all commands regarding his bodily movements and overall level of spaz.
c. Tubbs manipulates Master with cuteness and love.


MarylandMommy said...

Oh my goodness, that is hilarious!!!

Anonymous said...

I love it!